When I get well (hopefully in less than a month) I’ll have to really get working on building my life. Wasted enough time.

Getting a job…but it will have to be a job (a PAID job) where I don’t have to go to a job interview. A job I can just get. I refuse to go to interviews. They’re unnatural and invasive and it’s not in my nature. Answering all those personal questions, having to “sell myself”, that is just not something I’m going to do. What jobs exist where you don’t have to? If only I had family members who could just pull strings and get me a job (a job I ENJOY, not a miserable, pointless one).

But another problem is I need to move abroad. And whatever job I get won’t be a job I can get hired in other countries for. You’d need some high paying job/fancy degree for that. Wish I could just be offered a nice job abroad. In Spain, Italy, San Francisco, Boulder. But there’s just no prospect for that. Especially when I have no work experience, nothing on my resumè, and no completed higher education. Ugh. FML. I really need this. Hopeless. I’ve just lost all faith in myself. I see no way to make any of what I need to happen happen. I’m stuck like this, in this town, forever. No way out, will always be friendless etc.

I may be going to San Francisco this summer. But I also want to go to Denver/Boulder. Hopefully at least 2 weeks but likely just one week. Was planning to do 3 weeks or more, but then I realized that i have a loan to pay down :/.
Right now I’m leaning towards Denver/Boulder. Much more so than San Francisco.
Boulder is where I want to spend my summer. Hiking in Chautauqua. San Francisco just doesn’t appeal to me as much anymore.


2 thoughts on “Plan…?

  1. I can’t imagine a job for which one doesn’t have to interview first. Not all interviews are equally difficult, though.

    First, you have to exude a degree of confidence in yourself, even if it’s an act. “Fake it until you make it” or interview for jobs you don’t really care about getting so you won’t act too worried about not getting them. *Acting* confident and like you’re the person they want to hire is the first step to getting hired from an interview.

    Second, be prepared with a good-looking resume and *maybe* an idea of questions that might be asked and how you’d answer them. I say *maybe* because you can’t really know everything that will likely be asked and online suggestions may be garbage. When I interview for a lab technician position, questions tend to be about what I did before, what I think my strengths and weaknesses are, and technical questions about lab work. I don’t tend to get those vague, open-ended questions like “where do you see yourself 5 years from now.”

    Third, be willing to go to multiple interviews and not get hired right away. Remember too that even if you don’t get hired, the interview itself is practice for later interviews. It’s ok to be a little nervous and uncomfortable about being interviewed, but the more experience you have, the better you’ll come across to potential employers.

    Forth, don’t be afraid to think of jobs as temporary when they are not ideal. Everything in life is experience that might help you later or might help you in some way you didn’t expect. I took a part-time job calling people to get them to donate money to environmental causes. I did this because I was desperate to be able to pay my rent and not be homeless again. This was not an ideal job for me and I wasn’t that good at it, but I was proud of myself for being able to do it long enough until I got a better one.

    Even if you don’t get the job you think is perfect for you if it doesn’t work out, don’t give up. Life seems to favor the fearless and bold. That sucks, but I think it’s harder for those of us who are more easily hurt or don’t bounce back so easily. Figure out what it takes for you to feel secure, more resilient and happier, then try to go after those things. On the positive side, I think that when you’re headed in the right direction and have a positive focus, help can come from unexpected places.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to write these suggestions and I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner. Not been doing that great.

      These are very helpful suggestions and I’ll read them a bunch and follow them if I’m forced to do job interviews. My problem is that job interviews go against who I am and what I’m like. I can’t go to a job interview and “sell myself”, and talk in such strange ways, and answer bizarre and invasive questions that will all leave me at a loss for words. It’s not in my nature and it’s not something I can just decide to do. So I hope there’s a way around this. Asked my parents again if we have any family connections who can pull some strings.

      But really atm I’m just trying my best to make sense of a world that doesn’t make sense and that’s what I’m preoccupied with :/


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