I’m a feeler

not a thinker.

I just thought of that line while thinking about those what are they called, the 16 personalities test and how I didn’t agree with the first one I got, or at least the title of it (most else in the description was eerily accurate) because it said “The Intellectual” or something like that (actually I think it was architect, the word intellectual was just in there somewhere) and I’m not an intellectual, and then I imagined talking about it with faceless fictional people as I often do because I have no one to actually talk to and looks like I never will, and then I thought of that line. You’re welcome for that insight, blog.

While we’re in here, is there anything else I should mention? I did plan on writing 3 posts today because I had 3 things to talk about (suicideforum mod abuse anecdotes, update on the cat with pictures, and something about english accents) but I just kind of lost the energy for that.

I listen to this song, White Winter Hymn, and I’m fascinated by this point in the song where the drumbeat kicks in over a choir at 0:38, I hit that point over and over again, at just the moment when the drum kicks in, it sounds so cool, fills me with energy, makes me want to run (bad idea, the weather outside is apocalyptic, I went running anyway and I almost drowned *being hyperbolic, gahd!*) It’s not even a special drumbeat, you hear this in a lot of songs, sorta faint actually, there’s just something about it and the type of drum and the moment it kicks in.

What if I surprisingly save up enough money to go to Denver for a week this November/December? O.o Would I want to?  London might be better, but there is a part of me that wants to go back there on the anniversary of leaving. It’ll be too cold to go hiking in Chautauqua but I could just do what I did during my last weeks there (except the traveling to NYC, SF and Chicago), ya know, read and have soup outside the Alfalfa in Boulder, see a movie at the theater by Colorado Station, eat healthy food again (my god why is this so hard in Bergen? Grocery stores here suck)…ok. If I can afford it, I’m going to Denver, not London. I’ll have to.

Anything else? Most of my Central Park pics from NYC2016 turned out ruined by the bright sun. Well, I still like them but the sun is really taking away a lot of details, like in the featured image 2 posts back. I should get one of those pro cameras and try to make the photography thing happen, as soon as I can find some free classes (or maybe just watch a bunch of youtube videos on photography) so I can become good at it.

I’m bothered by a lot of things and I haven’t had peace of mind for even a full hour in weeks, just constantly being disturbed and going over and over things, horrible things, horrible realizations in my head, twisting and turning everything. It’s not good. I should get back on zoloft.

That’s all, I think


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