But it feels like one of those nights.
Was reminded of the state of the world and other people today.
Humans make me uncomfortable. I wish there were people out there who didn’t make me uncomfortable. People on my level with my experience and values, people I could be comfortable with so there’d be relief in having those people in my life.
3 friends is a good number. I’d like 3 friends. 3 friends on my level that I’m comfortable with, we could do things, and since there’s 3 of them and not just 1, there wouldn’t be pressure on me to always be interesting or to continue the conversation when I can’t think of anything to add or ask, attention would be divided.
I just feel like everyone’s the same and no one’s on my level.
Not that I meet a lot of people but I wouldn’t want to either, wouldn’t want the pain of those moments of disillusionment when people I get along with turn out to be just like the rest.
Anyways, I figured I’d “pray” for peace of mind so I can sleep, “pray” for this feeling in my chest and stomach, this quiet feeling, this feeling of death to be gone so I could sleep instead of being depressed. But I’m not good at “praying” anymore. Haven’t thought about spiritual things properly in a long time, and meditation and visualization doesn’t work with me anymore, I don’t sustain the same “prayer” or thought for that long, lose track and start thinking of other things.
Kind of like I lost track of all the things I was going to write in this post.