This is getting old, isn’t it?

Me just complaining about being sad and about having lost myself and my future and my excitement…

Here’s another post just like that.

I looked at my onedrive and I found a picture I’d taken of myself on day one in Denver, over a year ago now, showing off the drinks I bought to one of my internet friends.

I was so overweight, I don’t think of myself like that anymore, and it’s hard to think that that’s what I looked like. But what matters isn’t what I looked like. What matters is who I was. I was the hopeful, excited person who was going to school abroad at age 24 and was so excited about it. I was so…young. I was the person who was about to have all those experiences in that country, who was about to lose 20-30 kg, who was about to take the accuplacer (or maybe I’d just taken it), who was about to go to class for the first time, who was about to switch math classes, who was about to awkwardly fail to maintain conversations with people in English and Interpersonal Communication, who was about to go to Boulder for the first time, and the second, and the third, who was about to see the snake and go hiking in 40c, who was about to bond with online friends who weren’t really friends but he believed it anyway, who was about to spontaneously travel to New York  and San Francisco and Chicago, who was about to experience Halloween in Manhattan, about to experience that wonderful day in Central Park and feel  real happiness for the first time in probably a decade, about to leave Denver on its first sudden day of winter (in November!) and go to sunny San Francisco, about to try all those foods, about to just sit inside watching Jacksepticeye GTA videos and talking to his best friend all day when it got really cold outside and think of those as days well spent, about to get on the light rail and  watch movies at the near empty cinema (“wow, how exciting,” a normal person would say sarcastically), about to experience all 3 terminals at DIA, about to get to the airport early 3 times just because he likes the airport, about to…

leave and lose himself. I’d give anything to be that guy again.



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