Conflicted

I’m very back and forth each day about people. I got really frustrated with shallowness so I decided I can’t be around shallow people, it’s hard for me to understand and respect people who perpetuate shallowness and have shallow values. Hard for me to think of them as people with souls, they’re just too materialistic and animalistic and without basic values like being against shallowness.

but then I for some reason feel otherwise and look forward to building some social life. building some social experience. maybe bridge some gaps with people. some gaps are unbridgable, like shallowness. I’ll never accept shallowness, I’ll never understand or like people who think looks should play any part in anything. But other gaps might be bridgeable.

I don’t think I’ll ever make real connections with people on this planet. It’s harder in real life than online, and I’m less likely to meet people like me in real life. It’s easier online. Connections can be deeper online. But we saw how real my online connections were. Poof. Forgotten about instantly. What does that say about the likelyhood of making close, real life friends? With all the added obstacles real life social situations entail?

and I’m just back and forth on this all day. All I can think about every day is my gaps with other people and how unacceptable shallowness is.

So I said I wouldn’t do meetups in New York. today I joined several New York meetup groups. I just won’t know until I’m there whether I’ll go to one or not.

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