Watching videos from Auraria Campus on youtube. I wish I’d stayed. It feels like it never happened. Or like it was 100 years ago. Feeling alive and independent and optimistic seems so far away, impossible, like it never happened. It’s all so long ago even though it is less than 6 months since I left.

I need it back. I need it to continue. I didn’t appreciate it while I had it. Didn’t appreciate feeling alive because I wanted to feel even more alive. Didn’t appreciate all the opportunities. I should have done sooner, maybe I would have had time to arrange one. Didn’t appreciate the language. You have no idea how…dead…Norwegian is to me. I feel dead in this place. It’s dead to me. It’s so much easier to express yourself in English. Didn’t appreciate living in a place where strangers chat you up wherever you go and you can make friends on the bus (and not just with eccentrics) because you’re already considered one of the gang and they talk to you like they know you. If I’d just worked harder to improve my social skills, I could have made so many friends over there. It’s part of the culture. They make new friends on the bus, on the plane, outside the alfalfa all the time. I could have done that, too. I didn’t fully appreciate things like…I dunno. The package. The…feel. The food. The cinema. The nature. The…life. The variety. it doesn’t sound like much but it’s just so different from what I have in this dead, monotone city that does nothing for me.

What triggers these feelings the most, what I sort of miss the most, is the light rail. Images of the light rail triggers it. I miss taking the light rail to the cinema and watching movies. That’s what I get the most emotional about. Which is weird because it’s among the least adventurous things I did over there.

I feel like I’ve forgotten I was there. and watching these videos is painful because I’m not there and will likely not go back there. Maybe I’ll go back to Denver/Boulder, but only for less than a week, that’s all I can afford. And it’s not the same. It will be like trying to recreate it. You can’t recreate memories. They only happen once.

this is the first featured image that isn’t mine. google image search result for Colorado Station, where the cinema was. fittingly after dark, like always when I got out from the theater.

who did I explain that to and why did I explain it, I don’t have readers *facepalm

I’m just going to pretend that I do



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