Coming home I initially had some motivation. I got up early, made tea and read a short story, then went to the gym.
I was going to start making breakfast burritos because I loved them over in the US.
I was going to save up and immediately start traveling, traveling about every 2 months. First stop would be London.
Then everything became horrible and I died.
I didn’t earn enough money. I had to pay back the loan. I didn’t earn enough a month to go traveling initially. Then when I did earn enough, I suddenly had an apartment and had to pay rent so I didn’t have enough then either. I realized I couldn’t see any way I could make friends and build a social life in Bergen, Norway. I spent every day doing nothing other than working out and playing video games, without any plan for getting “back on track”, finding a job, opportunities to build a social life and traveling. On top of that, my “best friend” throughout my time in Denver cut contact. Didn’t contact me ever again of their own accord. I could have died in a plane crash on my way home and they would never have noticed. They either forgot I existed or deliberately cut me out. Neither of which a real friend would have been capable.
I became too depressed from not having a plan or anything to do, from not being able to travel any time soon, from not really being exposed to other people at all, from not being “allowed” to get a job yet, from not feeling alive anymore, but above all from being abandoned and betrayed by someone I thought was a close friend and staunch ally. My only close friend and ally. So I stopped working out. Stopped getting up early. Stopped reading. Slept in late and stayed up all night.
I died. Only thing that even remotely made me feel better was point and click games on mousecity.
So it’s not that leaving Denver was the end of it. I left Denver with motivation and a feeling that I was richer from the experience, a desire to get my life in order, be healthy, read (I was going to do so much reading, had a long list of novels to be read), travel, make real life connections and maintain and further strengthen current online connections. It changed late December. That’s when I died.