You know, I really hate this apartment

It looked better when viewing it the first time, but I didn’t really think I would get it so I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have. It’s really old, the entrance is gross, there’s a laundryroom in the basement that’s…gross and has cupboards with rat poison in them. If I see a single rat, I’m outta here.

the shower is too small. I don’t like showering here. I love showering!!! It’s relaxing. but not here. grr. Even Denver was better than this. I miss my awful Denver apartment. this one is bigger and there’s an actual bedroom, but it’s so old. it’s all so old. I should have kept looking. Now I’m stuck with this place.

I try to leave the apartment as much as I can. The gym, hiking, walking…I am getting a lot of exercise! Did I write here that I went to see Deadpool one late night? It might have been a Friday night. In Denver it felt more normal to go alone, here I can just feel people judging or feeling sorry for me. Deadpool might be my least favourite movie of all time. I thought it would be funny. But it’s just fucked up. 2 hours of jokes about how “ugly” someone is. What kind of jerk could think something like that is funny?

How do people justify it to themselves? Calling people “ugly”, “unattractive” etc. It’s so blatantly evil, how can anyone use words like that to describe the physical appearence of human beings and still think of themselves as a good person? Think “yes, it is good that I did that. I am making the world a good place by saying these things, by perpetuating these values”. I don’t get it. One of the main reasons, if not THE main reason, I hate people.

Words like attractive, unattractive, beautiful (when used about looks), ugly, “fugly”, hot, should be held in the same regard as racial slurs. It does not make sense that this is socially accepted, it does not make sense that people can go around talking like this and still think of themselves as good people, none of it makes sense, it’s all evil and unforgivable and ugh. Deadpool triggered me bigtime. reminded me how horrible the world is. reminded me that the world is horrible because people who use those words go out of their way to make it horrible.

Something not triggering…I like how I’m walking and hiking again. I go “hiking” every day. I don’t know if Fløyen counts as a hike. A mild hike, in that case. Pedestrian roads all the way to the top. But I do it every night.

There’s a pretty hardcore hike called Stoltzekleiven, or Stoltzen as it’s known. It’s steep stairs all the way to the top, no respite. Once the ice melts I’ll start doing that one every Tuesday and Thursday, I think. My sister said I would DIE if I tried it because it’s so exhausting 😀  Went looking for it one late night, last Tuesday I think. Didn’t write down the directions from Google Maps, figured I’d just walk in the general direction of where it surely must be. Didn’t really think I’d find it, but I did! I was wearing jeans…and it was dark. no lights on that hike, just complete darkness, the trees blocking all light from the city. But I figured yolo, had energy to burn and wasn’t sleepy. So up I went! Didn’t take any breaks either. It certainly burned energy. But it felt good. Don’t think you’re supposed to do it in jeans though. Or without a flashlight when it’s that dark. It was really icy towards the top, had to slow down and hold on to trees. But I made it to the top.

Sat at the top for a while, looking at the city and the ships. And for the second night in a row, there were northern lights in the sky, second time in my life I’ve ever seen them. First time was the day before, but it was faint then. They was brighter and more colourful now.

I was following the path until suddenly there was no path. Then I was following footsteps until I realized they weren’t human footsteps anymore, they were from deer.  I didn’t want to follow the non existent path in the dark so I went back and down the icy steps, going real slow so as to not crack my head open. Next time I’m going in daylight, so I can either see the path or follow the crowds. Maybe I should wait until the ice melts.

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